Sleeping sitting up in a rocking chair with 35 pounds strapped to me, I didn’t expect to find joy and contentment, yet I did.
Every now and then my two-year old daughter gets really watery eyes and an awful runny nose. Last night was one of those times. She went from feeling great to feeling miserable in a few hours. She started the night by waking every fifteen minutes crying. I could hear the gunk in her throat. She was having a hard time swallowing and I could tell she was in pain. I held her as she cried, repeating “I love you” over and over to her. Each time, she’d cry, then lay her head on my chest and fall back to sleep. After waking a few times, I put her in the Ergo and walked until she fell back to sleep, still repeating “I love you.” I couldn’t make her feel better, but I could make her feel loved. I sat in the rocking chair and rocked her while she slept, strapped to me in the Ergo. I drifted in and out of sleep. Every hour or so, she’d wake up crying. I’d get up, tell her I loved her, feed her honey (to soothe her throat), and walk until she was back to sleep. As I sat in the quiet darkness, feeling her breathing and listening to her snore, I prayed. I prayed that she would feel my love. I prayed that God would give me the strength to be loving even when it was hard. I could clearly feel His presence. I could feel Him keeping my heart soft and gentle even though I was exhuasted and desperately wanted to lay stretched out in a bed. I felt Him teaching me to be thankful for my role as mother. At 1am, I was the person God chose bring her comfort, to soothe her, to teach her that she is loved unconditionally. What an honor.