Parenting is hard work, life is hard work. My daughter doesn’t sleep. Well, she sleeps, but she doesn’t sleep well. I won’t bore you with the details, but the fact that she is asleep in the bed without me is nothing short of a miracle. Tuesday night was rough. Grace had a short nap and I was hopeful. Hopeful that she would fall asleep in less than an hour. Hopeful that she would sleep well. Hopeful that she would wake up rested and happy. I didn’t cope well when bedtime stretched into a two hour long battle. I got frustrated. I cried. I got mad at myself, my daughter, my husband, and God.
Last night I tried to prepare myself for another rough night. A day of playing outside and the change from summer to fall had left Grace congested and miserable. As we cuddled and got ready for bed, she watched tv. I read blog posts. I started with this post at API speaks. Wow, it blew me away. I felt God speaking, working in my heart. I want my number one goal in parenting to be that Grace knows she’s loved. That sheds a whole new light on everything I do. It’s easy to love her, but not always so easy to act loving. I’m a sinner. I get mad. I get frustrated. More often than not, my response to people isn’t loving. It’s manipulative, sarcastic, cutting. To convey love, well that’s tough.
As I rocked my sick little girl, I thought about love and our broken, screwed up world. We’re so quick to condemn. Anger comes quick. It’s easy. Love, not so much. What if I were to try to make everyone I come in contact with feel loved. Not in a scary I’m going to hug strangers way, but in a way that says “you are important.” As a Christian, I’m supposed to be a representative of Christ to others. What better way to do that than love them. I’m going to try- truly try, to spend every day looking for some way to convey love to someone. I’m sure I will fail, I’m sure I’ll stumble, but maybe, just maybe, I will learn to love the way we’re all meant to love. Unconditionally.